Frustrated, to say the least...

I'm back for more of my on again off again blog posting. I apologize for not being a faithful blogger.  I must admit, I'm feeling a little frustrated these days.  This whole submission to my wife things just isn't working out.  I think for one thing, it's life in general--trying to raise a family, working in a very stressful and demanding job, other family issues--the list goes on and on.  But I know a few things for sure:

1.  I want to submit to my wife.

2.  I want her to accept my submission.

3.  I want it to be outside and inside the bedroom.

In the past, we would have spurts of me submitting to her and her controlling when I had any sexual pleasure.  I even wore a CB3000 for a while.  But we eventually got rid of it and most of our other toys.  We did keep a few things but never have time or opportunity to use them.

What I think I can do at this point is practice stealth submission.  The problem is, I keep forgetting to do it.  I need to work harder on that.  Also, I may ask my wife to control my orgasms again even if we do it on the honor system, which we've done before.  I've noticed the more sexually frustrated I am the more likely I am to practice submission--stealth submission or not.

I don't know but I'm going to keep trying.  Life's too short for anything else.

Oh, and I'll try to be more faithful to post to this blog more often.

Too Long Between Posts

Yes, I realize I haven't posted since February. In fact, one person at least noticed and asked the question... Well, here it is, a new post. 

First of all, this Her Slave for Life thing just isn't working out. One of us is just too not into it. But that's okay I suppose. And thanks to one reader for stating the obvious...I'm no slave.

I'd like to be. I would definitely be if things worked out that way. But my wife just doesn't seem to appreciate what I'm willing to offer. Or, maybe I'm just an idiot who doesn't know what he wants.

I'll admit, life has been busy for both of us. I work my ass off so she can stay home with the children. I got a new boss at work who came in with the idea we weren't working hard enough...it's been like drinking from a firehose. 

Perhaps my working hard and long hours to provide for what she definitely wants to be able to do -- to stay home, is in itself a form of submission on my part. I would like to think it is. I also think being home with the children all day everyday probably takes it out of her as well. But when I ask her what she needs me to do she doesn't really give me much to go on. So, I just flounder. Perhaps one day I will get the hang of this...or go nuts.

A Year Since My Last Post

Call me a procrastinator. But I haven't updated this blog since last February (2012). Oh, I've meant to but life has gotten in the way. But I feel like I need to blog, to get my thoughts down on cyber-paper (did I just coin that word?). Anyway, here's an update on my journey on becoming my wife's slave. 

First of all, I've been an utter failure. It seems life and family responsibilities and perhaps my own laziness and misguided fantasy has resulted in me being unable to follow through on my desire to be my wife's slave. It seems my mind focuses entirely too much on the sexual aspect -- that is, how I would like things to be rather than focusing on my wife as a whole person. I have a lot of work to do. Any suggestions?

Secondly, I've been extremely busy with work. I've been away from my wife and family for several weeks because of work and will continue to be separated from them for a few more weeks. I have had a few opportunities for some weekend visits, which has been nice. Things should get back to some semblance of normalcy in March at which time I can refocus on my journey.  

Thirdly, I've been wondering if my use of the word 'slave' is too extreme here. Perhaps what I really desire is to be submissive to my wife. But I do like the word slave as it captures more of what my desires are in this--to truly be surrendered to her control in all aspects of our relationship. I think part of the challenge here for me has been I think she finds all this more amusing than something that can actually be a reality for us. Sometimes I wonder is she's just entertaining me. This raises another issue for me--do I have to be entertained? That is to say, am I doing this for her or for me? If I truly desire slavery to her then does what I think, desire, want, etc., really matter? I don't think so. And I believe this is where I want to be and realize it will take a huge amount of work and dedication on my part.

Fourthly, I haven't kept up with my fitness and nutrition goals listed to the side. No surprise there. I need to refocus there as well. I've got to tie it all in with my desire to please and be pleasing to my wife.

Fifthly, I haven't been locked up in a long time. I realize when I have been locked it has been more of a request that she keep me locked, one which she has accommodated almost every time I've requested it. I'm sure there will be times like that again. But she also suggested in times past that I be on the honor system and only orgasm when she allows. I need to work on this. My recent release was my own doing. I should be ashamed. I think I am.

I will see her this weekend. I have already told her how much I am looking forward to seeing her. I think I'll drop a hint or two as to how horny I am for her and that if she so desires, she can use that to her advantage :-) I truly am evil!

I came across this picture on another blog. I think it captures some of what I need to focus on. Notice there's very little here about sex.  The last point reminds me that it's not about sex or the fulfillment of my sexual fantasies but about serving her. 

I think I'd like to re-work this somewhat with a new title such as "How to Serve Your Wife," or something along those lines and also reword some of the statements--perhaps a list of rules for me to focus on and follow.

Maybe I should re-read "Worshipping Your Wife" and also its companion piece, "Worshipping Your Wife 2." The first one really was a good read and I suspect the 2nd one will be as well. But right now, I'm swamp with work. But things will improve soon--I hope! 

Anyway, that's my update -- 1 year later. Any of my faithful or new readers are welcome to comment and offer suggestions. I'd be really interested in hearing from husbands in the same boat as me.  What are you doing? What changes have you made? How have you overcome your fantasy for reality? What rules do you follow? Are they written or mostly in your head? Inquiring minds want to know--namely, mine. 

Ruined Release

Thursday night my wife granted me a release--sort of. The end result was a ruined orgasm which means although I had the opportunity to release, the built up hormones and desire to submit to her remained. I suppose this is a good thing because so far as chastity stages go, perhaps I am still in chastity nirvana? Or maybe it means I'll get back there pretty quickly. We shall see.

In other news, life, as always, remains hectic and now we have some additional stressors to deal with. So don't be surprised if I don't get to post as often as I'd like to. But that doesn't mean I'm not continuing to strive to submit to my wife! I'll post when I can.

Locked & Denied

Today marks day 17 since my last orgasm. I know, some of you are probably thinking, "17 days, hell, that's nothing." You are right. But for me, it is something. I don't know but it might be the longest I've gone, at least in a long while. That being said, I've been locked in my CB3000 for most of this time. One of the guide pins broke but I was able to make another pin out of a plastic anchor. We've also acquired a Birdlocked Neo as a replacement. But since I fixed the other there's been no need to try the Birdlocked out. So it'll just sit in the box as a back up for the time being. I prefer the hard plastic cage anyway as it insures I won't be able to get any stimulation or touch while wearing it. That being said, I know I said this blog is not all about sex but sex is all I can think of lately. It seems I've become very horny in the last few days but have been unable to do anything about due to the cage and my wife having control over when, if ever, I get to enjoy a little pleasure of my own. Additionally, there hasn't been much by way of tease and denial lately due to work responsibilities, home responsibilities, other concerns, and the fact we've both been fairly tired lately and just want to go to sleep when we get in bed. But last night she released me from the cage and I thought for sure I'd be able to manipulate an orgasm out of her. But, as luck would have it, I was wrong--dead wrong. She played with me a little bit and then told me goodnight. She did let me stay out overnight but this morning I was expected to lock it back up before leaving the house--which I dutifully did after showering. So here I sit, locked and denied again--but aching for some pleasure of my own. But it is not to be, not now anyway. My focus must remain on her and her needs. I need to work hard at refocussing, as being the man I am sometimes all I can think about is me--something that there is no place for when one aspires to be his wife's slave. Maybe I've reached chastity nirvana.

Chastity nirvana has been defined by one blogger as that stage of chastity whereby the one in chastity experiences a "Zen-like feeling of being locked up accompanied by a desire to be locked up. During this phase a man can't imagine being any other way and in fact, gets anxious at the thought of not being locked up." I say perhaps I've reached this stage because even though part of me wanted to manipulate my way to an orgasm last night I'm glad my wife didn't give in to my shenanigans but instead kept me denied. And I'm definitely thankful to be back in the cage today. This is good, because even though part of me desires my own release I really want to focus my attention on my wife and her pleasure, her needs, her wants, her desires--everything her! I want to do more around the house. I want to get some of the things done she wants me to get done. I want to do these things because they are things she wants done. And I definitely want to have my face where it should be--between her legs bringing her one intense orgasm after another. 

So the question I don't know the answer to nor do I need to know the answer to is, "When will she release me and allow me an orgasm?" As we have grown in our experience of F/m enforced chastity, which she often calls, "The Game," we have both agreed that it is not necessary for me to know the answer to that question, even though I might want to know it badly. Such uncertainty insures on some level that I keep my desires at bay and her needs at the top of the list. In the chastity cycle this is called by some, "The Home Stretch." Again, one blogger defines the home stretch as the sense that some men have as to when they are going to be released. I'm not sure I'm in the home stretch or ever will be as I simply have no idea when she might release me--I can only hope. But there's always this internal struggle going on inside me to want to be release yet wanting to be denied. Perhaps this struggle is because I know that once release comes for me my desire to serve my wife plummets dramatically. This may also be part of my desire to see just how long this chastity routine can be pushed. Subservient-Husband recently posted on his blog his request to his wife to keep him in chastity for a year. My assumption here based on his post is that he won't be experiencing any orgasms for himself until this year long sentence is completed. I wish him the very best. I'm not sure if I'd ever make it that long and I'm not all that sure my wife would grant me such a request. But, here I am at day 17. We'll see how many more days my present sentence lasts. 

Helps for Getting Organized, De-cluttered, etc.

I've been giving a lot of thought to and doing a lot of research on how to get organized, de-clutter, get rid of crap we don't need, etc. My wife has told me on more than one occasion that her life would be a lot less stressful if there was a lot less "stuff" around and if the house was kept in some state of cleanliness and organization on an ongoing basis. Now don't get me wrong, our house is not a wreck by any stretch of the imagination. I mean, after all, in my male mind, it looks fine. But she'd like to see it clean and organized from her female mind perspective. And, when you have chosen to submit to her loving authority, when you have chosen to worship your wife and strive to meet her needs, then you want your house to be clean and organized according to her perspective. With that in mind, I've been walking around our house taking it all in. One things I've decided is there is a lot of stuff I (and we) aren't using. But yet we hold on to it, we keep moving it with us, for some reason we just can't part with it, be it stuff, clothes, books, etc. There's also a lot of paperwork--mostly mine--that for some strange reason I'm still holding onto when what I ought to do is shred it and be done with it!

One thing that helps me is seeing things on lists--think checklist. Checklists (or to-do-lists) give me a point of reference, something to keep coming back to in order to check myself out, to see if I'm accomplishing what really matters. That's one reason I've asked my wife for a to-do-list, which she has graciously given. I'm sure she'll add to it as she sees fit. She also gives me a grocery list each time I need to make a grocery run. She also makes lists for other errands she expects me to do for her and our household in general. With that in mind, I've been thinking of how best to develop a checklist for me to insure I get everything done I need to get done, that she wants me to get done, etc. One site I've stumbled across recently that has tons of helpful info, including checklist (you'll have to do a search b/c this site has everything from recipes to getting organized, etc., is Domestic Servitude. If you are a submissive husband serving or desiring to serve your wife, this site is a great place to start. I'm sure I'll be spending lots of time on it as I seek to hone my servitude.

Another helpful site I've discovered lately is ZenHabits. Now, I'm not "Zen" in the least. But this site has some helpful tips for the submissive or slave husband. Here's one such example--15 Great Decluttering Tips. I need all the help I can get as I tackle the clutter around here. So with my checklist in hand and the tips from all the aforementioned websites/blogs, I'll be ready to serve and please my wife by doing things for her that she has requested and will definitely appreciate. And I'll benefit too--eventually--when she lets me out of this blasted chastity cage...but until then, my focus is where it should be--upon her and her needs/wants/desires...

Daily Challenges--Trying to Figure it All Out

I've spent a lot of time thinking about ways to organize my life in order to better serve my wife. I've taken on some of the chores even though she hasn't necessarily assigned them to me. I've asked her on more than one occasion to let me know what I can do for her in order to make her life easier.  For years, even before realizing my need to submit to her, I have done things like grocery shopping. But it has only been in the last several months that I've come to see this as an act of submission to my my wife. She hates grocery shopping so I'm glad I can do this for her. I try to be thrifty with my shopping and always try to stick to the list, although she has never fussed at me or otherwise admonished me for straying from the list. I also try to take our child with me as often as possible just to give her a break.

I did so today and returned to discover she had vacuumed the entire house. I've often wondered why she just doesn't tell me to do those things. But perhaps she finds doing some work around the house to be therapeutic. Anyone else out there have similar experiences? Anyway, my job has allowed her to stay home for the past several years. I think there may be some feelings of guilt on her part about letting or otherwise telling me to do more around the house knowing I've worked hard all day, which not only meets our financial needs, but also allows her to stay home. I've often encouraged her to get over that and just "play along." But still, she manages to get much of the housework in herself.

Another thing I've been trying to do to assume more responsibility around the house is to organize my schedule in such a way that she can go to the gym each day and workout. My job allows me some flexibility in my schedule and my own workout schedule so I am able to do this. I also try to make it a point to always get dishes from the sink to the dishwasher, keep the dishwasher empty, wipe down counters, stove top, microwave, etc., before she has a chance to do it herself. My thinking here again is submission and service, trying to make her life easier since she spends her days at home raising our little one while I'm away at work getting "adult interaction" as she sometimes puts it. I also try to find ways to give her as much free time as possible where she can get away and get some "adult interaction" minus the little one.

All this being said, I still have the list she gave me earlier this week to work on. One item which she wanted to see done by today may be delayed due to technical difficulties. She is aware of and understands this but it will not change the fact that there will be no "release" until said list is finished. That being said, I better quit writing and get to back to work!

The List...The Subspace...Oh My!

I've asked my wife more than once to let me know what she wants me to do for her, and if she's willing, to give it to me as a list of chores. So you can imagine my submissive delight when earlier today I got a text from her indicating she had written just such a list of things for me to accomplish. It was a short list (at least in my mind), only six items, but nothing easy--just some things she would like done around the house. My favorite part of the text was it was so matter of fact--"I have list for you. Compliance equals possible release. Non-compliance equals delay." I like that word, "possible." Just because I'm obedient to the task at hand does not necessarily equate immediate release and orgasm for me. 

But the text and the list definitely sent me into subspace. I think the only thing that would have made the trip more powerful would have been to be locked--something that is not the case at the moment due to a malfunctioning chastity cage. But a new one--a birdlocked--is en route. And I think a quick trip to the hardware store might result in a quick fix for the other. We shall see. I have so much to do now that I may not have time for any quick trips anywhere unless they are at her direction.

I am thankful for the list and the opportunity to serve my wife--to be her slave--by completing things she has indicated she wants done. I do hope such lists will continue coming and include more and more responsibilities for me, whether they be housework, running errands--whatever! 

And maybe, just maybe--at some point--she really will tell me to clean the kitchen floor and then..."carry me upstairs and make love to me like a stallion." But in my case, she might add, "without having an orgasm!"

The Chastity Cycle

Today is day 7 since my last authorized orgasm. I have been locked in the cage for 4 of those days. Yesterday, I noticed I was aroused the entire day but I couldn't do anything about it. Even as I worked at my job it was all I could think about--just under the surface. I think if I was not caged I would have definitely been relieving myself. So the cage, in this case, is a good thing. I related to my wife last night that I had been horny most of the day and suggested I might be getting to that stage where leaving it locked up for several days might be the best route to take. In other words, no tease/denial until the weekend, at the earliest. Of course, she agreed but also found a way to do a little tease/denial even with the cage on. 

All that being said, I've done some reading about the stages of chastity or the chastity cycle. I'm wondering if yesterday hit the phase described in the "stages of chastity" as chastity nirvana. I don't know but if it is, I like it, even though for me, it was somewhat torturous. But I also noticed my focus/desire was continued service to my wife--doing things around the house, cuddling in bed--things like that.

I'm curious if any of my readers (all 2 of you) have had similar experiences you'd want to share via the comments section or point to your own resources on the subject?

Weekend of Chastity and Service

My wife gave me one task to complete this weekend and I just finished it! But I didn't let that one task keep me from doing other things around the house this weekend. I took care of the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, tackled the well overdue kitchen counter, cleaned the toilets/baths, and picked up around the house. The whole time I was kept in my chastity device which only added to my submissive feelings/desires to serve my wife. She did release me for a couple sessions of tease/denial which was pure pleasure for her and pure torture for me. I think both session must have lasted a couple hours. But after a while, I lost all track of time. It is amazing the affect giving up control of my orgasms has on me. I've noticed my attention becomes super focused on wife worship & service...and I don't mean worship is the sacrilegious sense. I just enjoy my wife and her body! I also put together another "cheat sheet" for my wife because all this is still fairly new to her and it seems dominance doesn't come naturally. Well, it did early on in our marriage but I was too stupid to notice my own submissive desires then. But, better late than never. It is similar to the cheat sheet located in my post on submissive yearnings from last year. Maybe I will post them here soon. In the meantime, I've also purchased the PDF format of the book, "Worshipping Your Wife," by Mark Redmond, whose blog can be seen here: Worshipping Your Wife Blog. I highly recommend it to any husband or boyfriend with submissive desires yearning to let them out in service to your woman! It is an excellent read and it's not all about sex but it does spend at least one chapter discussing relinquishing control over to her in that department. Well, I better quit writing and get back to serving!

Back - Sort of...

It's been a long while since my last post--200+ days to be exact.  Well, I've been busy with life and the challenges and curveballs that brings. My wife and I haven't been practicing our wife led marriage -- or "the game" as she calls it. But we did start back last week with a little D/s play in the bedroom, which only served to rekindle and remind me of my deeply hidden submissive desires. And today the chastity device went back on. So now I'm up to 4 days since my last release as you can easily see in the counter on the lower left of this blog. I'm not sure how long it'll be until the next release for me but she'll be having plenty of fun, at least in the bedroom.  Out of the bedroom, life is challenging for both of us with a little one at home and my job and all the challenges that brings. But we will try as we can. She did give me an assignment for the weekend so somewhere between work responsibilities and finding a minute to rest I have to carry out her instructions. I'll let you know how successful I am!

Update from HER slave

It's been a while since my last post.  I'd like to report it has been nonstop service to my wife but between work, family, living in temporary housing, and my attitude in general, I must confess I've had some lapses. The stress of being confined in such a small temporary quarters with a little one has started to catch up with both of us.  But I'm glad to report we will be moving into our house tomorrow morning (Thursday) if all goes as planned.  She did tell me the other day she thinks she'll keep me locked up and denied until I've unpacked all the boxes and gotten everything placed exactly where she wants things placed.  So it may be a while before I get any relief.  But that's a good things, right?  I must constantly remind myself I am HER slave.  Anyway, just wanted to post a quick update.  Thanks for reading!

Too Busy to Blog

It's been a busy couple of weeks now that I've gotten settled into my new job. Well, it's the same job just a new location.  But you get the picture, I think. Anyway, I've been so busy with getting settled at work and trying to maintain my commitment to being my wife's slave at home that I just haven't found the time to update the blog. I've really wanted to but I've had other priorities.  We are still in temporary housing but will hopefully move into our new place late next week. Then begins the ritual of unpacking boxes and getting things settled.  I'm sure I'll be a busy bee then for sure!!! 

Fan-Freak'n-Tastic!!!!!

My wife let me cum today!!!!  All I can say is, it was fantastic... No, it was fan-freak'n-tastic.  The clock is reset and I'm still given over to her service.  Of course, she was quick to remind me this was a gift and it may be an even longer wait before I get the gift again.  Boy, was it ever hot!!!! It was quite the 4th of July celebration!!! And for those who might be wondering, it had been 25 days since my last little bit of release :-)

I Just Had an Idiot Moment -- All Comments Deleted

Well, I just had an idiot moment.  I accidentally deleted ALL the comments that have been posted on my blog by all my good readers.  Please note this is not reflective of my thoughts about all the comments.  They've all been good and I look forward to reading others.  I don't know what the hell I was doing but next thing I knew they were all gone :-(

22 Days -- Rambling Thoughts on Chastity

Today marks my 22-Day Anniversary!  I know 22 days doesn't sound like all that much but it is the longest--and I do mean the longest--I have ever gone without having the freedom to pleasure myself via the conventional male method of pleasure.  No masturbation.  No sex.  No nothing!  Well, I did have one evening of tease and denial, courtesy of my Queen.  Otherwise I have been chaste for 22 days with said chastity enforced for 17 days.  I've been let out once for cleaning/inspection which was followed by the tease and denial session.  I've enjoyed several days where I was given the opportunity to pleasure my wife and believe it or not I found much pleasure in being denied yet required to service her.  So far as domestic service, that has been a little challenging with company.  But the last of the visitors will fly out this evening leaving me alone to serve my wife.  I have found some opportunity to serve despite the guest--fixing/serving meals, providing massages and foot rubs, just to name a few.  All of this service, and particularly my desire to serve, has been heightened I believe through the enforced chastity.  

That being said, here a a few rambling thoughts about my short time in the cage. The first few days of chastity was okay.  But it really became psychological (I can't think of a better word right now) the day the cage was locked into place.  There was just something about seeing my member imprisoned that caused all kinds of intense thoughts and feelings of submission.  Along about day 16 or 17 I began to have thoughts of not wanting to do this.  In other words, I just wanted to cum (and topping from the bottom).  But I was committed to the commitment I made to my wife and serious about becoming her slave so I didn't share my thoughts of wanting to forego enforced chastity and noticed after day 19 or 20 that my thoughts of changing my mind passed.  This may be similar to Subservient-Husband's so called Chastity Cycle and is definitely worth a read.

Anyway, here are a few thoughts on wearing the device.  I have the CB3000.  The only thing I don't care for is the hinged ring.  I have a solid ring but it is not as thick as the hinged and the few times I tried the solid ring it would allow one of my testicles to slip through, oftentimes with a surprising amount of pain.  I do not have this problem with the hinged ring.  But during nighttime erections the hinged part sometimes awakens me as it does cause some discomfort.  But I have chosen to accept this discomfort as part of the price of enforced chastity.  I started using the Ksd-g2 anti pullout attachment and really like the added security it provides.  It is sometimes a little challenging to get my member through the Ksd-g2 and into the tube (I am blessed) but a little KY goes a long way in elevating that problem.  So far as cleaning is concerned, my wife has permitted me to remove the device every 5 to 8 days for a thorough cleaning.  Otherwise, I have a clear (looks like a condiment bottle) plastic "squirt" bottle I picked up from Bed, Bath and Beyond which I fill with warm soapy water in the shower each morning and squirt it into the tube.  The water, soap and squeeze-pressure does a pretty good job at day to day cleaning.  I sometimes apply some KY into the tube using a Q-tip.  This makes erections throughout the day a little more comfortable and allows my penis to move around in the tube without sticking.

Finally, although the CB3000 is a good unit I am thinking of upgrading to the CB6000 or maybe even the Birdlocked device as either would eliminate the hinged ring.  But I haven't made up my mind yet and am still researching this.  Any thoughts or experiences would be appreciated in helping me make up my mind.  

We Have Found A House!!!

Just a quick update to let all of my readers (all 3 of you...LOL) know that we have found a house. We'll be able to take possession around the middle of July. I am so glad to be done with house hunting and so excited about getting moved in and settled. Most of all, I am looking forward to serving my wife in the new house starting with unpacking boxes and putting away things, doing all the domestic chores and anything else she assigns me or orders me to do. We'll be here for the next three or four years so I hope to get in all the service to her I possibly can in this here house!!!

Submissive Yearnings

Another good post by fellow submissive blogger Subservient-Husband that I wanted to share: Submissive Yearnings. This post pretty much describes my current "yearnings" and gives me clarity on what to do with the yearnings.  He quotes Uniquely Rika and as always she provides spot on insights and solutions. IT IS ALWAYS THE SUBMISSIVE'S JOB TO COMPLY.  It really doesn't matter what the submissive wants.  It doesn't matter what I want.  What matters is what my wife wants, what she's willing to do, what she desires from me, etc.  I must comply.  Thank you SH for another insightful post.

I might add that although my wife hasn't dominated as I would desire at the point it is partly because of our current situation. I'm sure she will grow into her role and become more comfortable once our last visitor leaves.  Furthermore, although her use of me domestically hasn't borne the fruit I would desire at this point she has been constantly using me every evening in bed for her sexual pleasure while at the same time keeping my penis caged and denied.  So it's not all bad!  LOL.  Seriously, I'm enjoying the opportunity to submit to my wife on levels with which she is comfortable.  

Finding Contentment through Submission

I have to admit I do have feelings of wishing my wife would be more dominant or wishing she would do things certain ways.  But I'm working hard to avoid this kind of topping from the bottom thinking.  I do hope things will improve once our lives get back to some sort of normalcy--whatever that means.  In the meantime, I continue reading and researching as much good information as I can find on the WLM dynamic and how to truly submit to my wife.  If I want to be her slave I have to learn to think like a slave, right?  I have enjoyed reading Subservient-Husband's Blog and the following quote from the comments section on a recent post of his was helpful in reorienting my thinking about this (you can read the original post here):

A D/s relationship is one where the submissive surrenders their rights to the authority of their dominant master/mistress. If the dominant wishes to lead their submissive into a Ken/Barbie existence void of sexual interaction, the submissive should gladly comply as it is their dominent’s wish. If the master/mistress wishes to inflict pain as a means of instilling obedience, the submissive should accept their punishment as service. If the dominant enjoys abject subservience, again it is the submissive’s job to find contentment.

This quote struck a cord with me and reminded me of "my place" if you will.  As a submissive male desiring to surrender and submit to my wife in our marital relationship I must remember I have confided in my wife my desire to do this.  I have in essence surrendered my rights to her authority.  I should, no I must gladly comply to my wife's wishes.  Furthermore, it is my job to find contentment.  This post and the aforementioned comment could not have come to me at a better time.  Just earlier today I caught myself trying to top from the bottom.  But rather than beat myself up about it I am trying to use it as a personal learning experience and an opportunity for me to see just how serious about this I am.  I can only hope things improve when the last of the visitors leaves.  Furthermore, who knows what changes will come about once we are settled into permanent housing--I hope to hear the word on that tomorrow. Regardless of what happens I must take every opportunity to obey and submit to my wife whether or not she ever chooses to fulfill any of my fantasies.  Thankfully, she has chosen to keep my chaste and I can't believe I'm about to be 20 days denied (14 days caged).  I'll comment more about that in a later post.  

Bumps in the Road

My past attempts at serving my wife always proved short-lived.  I think this was due in part to my own inability (or perhaps unwillingness) to separate fantasy from reality. Furthermore, I'd add to that my failure to clearly communicate with my wife about my desires.  This recent attempt, which is going much better than expected, is not without its bumps in the road.  I clearly communicated my desire to my wife to be her slave, obeying and submitting to her.  I also told her I was not going to define what that meant other than my asking her to keep me in enforced chastity and seriously control my orgasms.  Thankfully, she readily agreed.  However, we have been in a state of flux for a few weeks now.  I have moved to a new location with my job and she has finally joined me.  But we are in temporary housing and we have had family here helping out.  Thankfully, one has left.  The other will depart this weekend.  I think having them around, although helpful, has dampened the WLM dynamic some. For example, my wife told me two days ago that I would be doing the laundry yesterday.  This did not pan out due to other demands being placed on us with visitors and eating out with friends.  Her mother who is visiting pretty much usurped my laundry chores for this week.  I told my wife last night how frustrated I was about this. I want to be able to totally immerse myself in service to her and I felt like I had not served her much yesterday short of making and serving her lunch.  I told her this after being allowed to bring her pleasure in the bedroom last night.  She responded, "Well, since you don't feel like you served me enough today you can rub my feet before you go to sleep."  I was in heaven!!!!  Yes, there will be bumps in the road as I learn my new and much desired role.  But thankfully I have a wife who is working with me--patiently I might add.