Update from HER slave

It's been a while since my last post.  I'd like to report it has been nonstop service to my wife but between work, family, living in temporary housing, and my attitude in general, I must confess I've had some lapses. The stress of being confined in such a small temporary quarters with a little one has started to catch up with both of us.  But I'm glad to report we will be moving into our house tomorrow morning (Thursday) if all goes as planned.  She did tell me the other day she thinks she'll keep me locked up and denied until I've unpacked all the boxes and gotten everything placed exactly where she wants things placed.  So it may be a while before I get any relief.  But that's a good things, right?  I must constantly remind myself I am HER slave.  Anyway, just wanted to post a quick update.  Thanks for reading!

Too Busy to Blog

It's been a busy couple of weeks now that I've gotten settled into my new job. Well, it's the same job just a new location.  But you get the picture, I think. Anyway, I've been so busy with getting settled at work and trying to maintain my commitment to being my wife's slave at home that I just haven't found the time to update the blog. I've really wanted to but I've had other priorities.  We are still in temporary housing but will hopefully move into our new place late next week. Then begins the ritual of unpacking boxes and getting things settled.  I'm sure I'll be a busy bee then for sure!!! 

Fan-Freak'n-Tastic!!!!!

My wife let me cum today!!!!  All I can say is, it was fantastic... No, it was fan-freak'n-tastic.  The clock is reset and I'm still given over to her service.  Of course, she was quick to remind me this was a gift and it may be an even longer wait before I get the gift again.  Boy, was it ever hot!!!! It was quite the 4th of July celebration!!! And for those who might be wondering, it had been 25 days since my last little bit of release :-)

I Just Had an Idiot Moment -- All Comments Deleted

Well, I just had an idiot moment.  I accidentally deleted ALL the comments that have been posted on my blog by all my good readers.  Please note this is not reflective of my thoughts about all the comments.  They've all been good and I look forward to reading others.  I don't know what the hell I was doing but next thing I knew they were all gone :-(

22 Days -- Rambling Thoughts on Chastity

Today marks my 22-Day Anniversary!  I know 22 days doesn't sound like all that much but it is the longest--and I do mean the longest--I have ever gone without having the freedom to pleasure myself via the conventional male method of pleasure.  No masturbation.  No sex.  No nothing!  Well, I did have one evening of tease and denial, courtesy of my Queen.  Otherwise I have been chaste for 22 days with said chastity enforced for 17 days.  I've been let out once for cleaning/inspection which was followed by the tease and denial session.  I've enjoyed several days where I was given the opportunity to pleasure my wife and believe it or not I found much pleasure in being denied yet required to service her.  So far as domestic service, that has been a little challenging with company.  But the last of the visitors will fly out this evening leaving me alone to serve my wife.  I have found some opportunity to serve despite the guest--fixing/serving meals, providing massages and foot rubs, just to name a few.  All of this service, and particularly my desire to serve, has been heightened I believe through the enforced chastity.  

That being said, here a a few rambling thoughts about my short time in the cage. The first few days of chastity was okay.  But it really became psychological (I can't think of a better word right now) the day the cage was locked into place.  There was just something about seeing my member imprisoned that caused all kinds of intense thoughts and feelings of submission.  Along about day 16 or 17 I began to have thoughts of not wanting to do this.  In other words, I just wanted to cum (and topping from the bottom).  But I was committed to the commitment I made to my wife and serious about becoming her slave so I didn't share my thoughts of wanting to forego enforced chastity and noticed after day 19 or 20 that my thoughts of changing my mind passed.  This may be similar to Subservient-Husband's so called Chastity Cycle and is definitely worth a read.

Anyway, here are a few thoughts on wearing the device.  I have the CB3000.  The only thing I don't care for is the hinged ring.  I have a solid ring but it is not as thick as the hinged and the few times I tried the solid ring it would allow one of my testicles to slip through, oftentimes with a surprising amount of pain.  I do not have this problem with the hinged ring.  But during nighttime erections the hinged part sometimes awakens me as it does cause some discomfort.  But I have chosen to accept this discomfort as part of the price of enforced chastity.  I started using the Ksd-g2 anti pullout attachment and really like the added security it provides.  It is sometimes a little challenging to get my member through the Ksd-g2 and into the tube (I am blessed) but a little KY goes a long way in elevating that problem.  So far as cleaning is concerned, my wife has permitted me to remove the device every 5 to 8 days for a thorough cleaning.  Otherwise, I have a clear (looks like a condiment bottle) plastic "squirt" bottle I picked up from Bed, Bath and Beyond which I fill with warm soapy water in the shower each morning and squirt it into the tube.  The water, soap and squeeze-pressure does a pretty good job at day to day cleaning.  I sometimes apply some KY into the tube using a Q-tip.  This makes erections throughout the day a little more comfortable and allows my penis to move around in the tube without sticking.

Finally, although the CB3000 is a good unit I am thinking of upgrading to the CB6000 or maybe even the Birdlocked device as either would eliminate the hinged ring.  But I haven't made up my mind yet and am still researching this.  Any thoughts or experiences would be appreciated in helping me make up my mind.  

We Have Found A House!!!

Just a quick update to let all of my readers (all 3 of you...LOL) know that we have found a house. We'll be able to take possession around the middle of July. I am so glad to be done with house hunting and so excited about getting moved in and settled. Most of all, I am looking forward to serving my wife in the new house starting with unpacking boxes and putting away things, doing all the domestic chores and anything else she assigns me or orders me to do. We'll be here for the next three or four years so I hope to get in all the service to her I possibly can in this here house!!!

Submissive Yearnings

Another good post by fellow submissive blogger Subservient-Husband that I wanted to share: Submissive Yearnings. This post pretty much describes my current "yearnings" and gives me clarity on what to do with the yearnings.  He quotes Uniquely Rika and as always she provides spot on insights and solutions. IT IS ALWAYS THE SUBMISSIVE'S JOB TO COMPLY.  It really doesn't matter what the submissive wants.  It doesn't matter what I want.  What matters is what my wife wants, what she's willing to do, what she desires from me, etc.  I must comply.  Thank you SH for another insightful post.

I might add that although my wife hasn't dominated as I would desire at the point it is partly because of our current situation. I'm sure she will grow into her role and become more comfortable once our last visitor leaves.  Furthermore, although her use of me domestically hasn't borne the fruit I would desire at this point she has been constantly using me every evening in bed for her sexual pleasure while at the same time keeping my penis caged and denied.  So it's not all bad!  LOL.  Seriously, I'm enjoying the opportunity to submit to my wife on levels with which she is comfortable.  

Finding Contentment through Submission

I have to admit I do have feelings of wishing my wife would be more dominant or wishing she would do things certain ways.  But I'm working hard to avoid this kind of topping from the bottom thinking.  I do hope things will improve once our lives get back to some sort of normalcy--whatever that means.  In the meantime, I continue reading and researching as much good information as I can find on the WLM dynamic and how to truly submit to my wife.  If I want to be her slave I have to learn to think like a slave, right?  I have enjoyed reading Subservient-Husband's Blog and the following quote from the comments section on a recent post of his was helpful in reorienting my thinking about this (you can read the original post here):

A D/s relationship is one where the submissive surrenders their rights to the authority of their dominant master/mistress. If the dominant wishes to lead their submissive into a Ken/Barbie existence void of sexual interaction, the submissive should gladly comply as it is their dominent’s wish. If the master/mistress wishes to inflict pain as a means of instilling obedience, the submissive should accept their punishment as service. If the dominant enjoys abject subservience, again it is the submissive’s job to find contentment.

This quote struck a cord with me and reminded me of "my place" if you will.  As a submissive male desiring to surrender and submit to my wife in our marital relationship I must remember I have confided in my wife my desire to do this.  I have in essence surrendered my rights to her authority.  I should, no I must gladly comply to my wife's wishes.  Furthermore, it is my job to find contentment.  This post and the aforementioned comment could not have come to me at a better time.  Just earlier today I caught myself trying to top from the bottom.  But rather than beat myself up about it I am trying to use it as a personal learning experience and an opportunity for me to see just how serious about this I am.  I can only hope things improve when the last of the visitors leaves.  Furthermore, who knows what changes will come about once we are settled into permanent housing--I hope to hear the word on that tomorrow. Regardless of what happens I must take every opportunity to obey and submit to my wife whether or not she ever chooses to fulfill any of my fantasies.  Thankfully, she has chosen to keep my chaste and I can't believe I'm about to be 20 days denied (14 days caged).  I'll comment more about that in a later post.  

Bumps in the Road

My past attempts at serving my wife always proved short-lived.  I think this was due in part to my own inability (or perhaps unwillingness) to separate fantasy from reality. Furthermore, I'd add to that my failure to clearly communicate with my wife about my desires.  This recent attempt, which is going much better than expected, is not without its bumps in the road.  I clearly communicated my desire to my wife to be her slave, obeying and submitting to her.  I also told her I was not going to define what that meant other than my asking her to keep me in enforced chastity and seriously control my orgasms.  Thankfully, she readily agreed.  However, we have been in a state of flux for a few weeks now.  I have moved to a new location with my job and she has finally joined me.  But we are in temporary housing and we have had family here helping out.  Thankfully, one has left.  The other will depart this weekend.  I think having them around, although helpful, has dampened the WLM dynamic some. For example, my wife told me two days ago that I would be doing the laundry yesterday.  This did not pan out due to other demands being placed on us with visitors and eating out with friends.  Her mother who is visiting pretty much usurped my laundry chores for this week.  I told my wife last night how frustrated I was about this. I want to be able to totally immerse myself in service to her and I felt like I had not served her much yesterday short of making and serving her lunch.  I told her this after being allowed to bring her pleasure in the bedroom last night.  She responded, "Well, since you don't feel like you served me enough today you can rub my feet before you go to sleep."  I was in heaven!!!!  Yes, there will be bumps in the road as I learn my new and much desired role.  But thankfully I have a wife who is working with me--patiently I might add.

A New Way of Shopping

My wife (and visiting family members) all went shopping this evening.  My wife wanted to look for a few things for our child. She didn't ask me to do this but I decided, after reading a post from the Worshipping Your Wife Blog, to stay with my wife the whole time and carry the shopping basket.  At first she said she didn't mind carrying the basket.  So I just stayed right with her.  Prior to this past week I would wonder off and look around the store, not wanting to spend all my time waiting on my wife to look at this and that.  However, this time I felt like doing things differently.  So after a few minutes I reached out and took hold of the basket and told her I'd like to carry it for her.  She again said she didn't mind but went ahead and let me carry it.  This one act on my part--carrying the basket--and her kindness in letting me do so served to reinforce my submissive desires to serve my wife.  I thought to myself, "This is exactly what I as my wife's slave should be doing."  Well, I must have been onto something as I felt my caged penis begin to move.  I'm growing more amazed at the effect enforced chastity and orgasm denial are having on me and my desire to submit to my wife.  I have a long way to go in learning to pamper, adore, worship, serve and submit to my bride but I'm getting there.  She even informed me that tomorrow I'd be doing some laundry.  Given our temporary living arrangements it's a little bit of a hassle to do laundry.  But I am looking forward to it simply because I love and want to submit to her.  And it turns me on to have her plan part of my day for me :-)

Free but Denied

I don't want this blog to be mostly about my being kept in enforced chastity. However, last night was another wonderful opportunity to serve my wife's sexual needs and desires while being denied my own.  Last night my wife released me from my chastity cage but reminded me I was not allowed any orgasmic release.  Our unspoken rule is I am not allowed any orgasms without her permission.  This is true whether caged or not.  She then proceeded to play with her property, keeping me on edge most of the night.  I was also expected to bring her to orgasm and did so twice.  This is the longest I've worn the cage and and am enjoying this new reality in my life and marriage and look forward to being kept this way indefinitely. We still have family in town (one leaves tomorrow the other next weekend) and so we have had to be a little creative.  My wife did tell me yesterday she didn't want to "boss" me in front of family.  I reminded her  that her control over me can take on subtle but obvious to me forms such as, "Would you go do thus and so," or similar statements.  But we both agreed once we are alone and family is gone we'll be able to enjoy our new roles more freely.  That being said, Subservient-Husband had a good piece on his blog about Wife-Led Marriage and how it is sometimes challenging to be so public with it.  Hopefully, this kind of dynamic will improve in the future.  

Pure Pleasure -- for her...

Last night was pure pleasure -- for my wife/owner!!!  After being separated by several thousand miles over the past two weeks it was wonderful having my wife join me last night.  She was very tired after flying all day to get here.  But she allowed me to serve her from the get go and that meant all the world to me.  I loaded five pieces of luggage onto a luggage cart at the airport, took care of getting them into and out of the vehicle and then up the stairs at our temporary housing.  I told her later I almost came in my chastity prison while carrying the suitcases up the stairs because I knew I was serving her and I was hugely turned on by that thought.  Then she let me bring her pleasure with my hand last night while we were lying in bed.  The make-out session was great and greater still was the fact she keep me locked up.  This is the life!

Bumps in the Road to a WLM

We've been in the process of moving with my job so we have been separated for two weeks now.  But my wife/owner will be joining me later today and I am so excited about being with/near her again.  We've been talking on the phone nearly everyday. We've exchanged countless emails and text messages--many about this new dynamic we are entering into in our marriage.  During a a few of those conversations she would be asking me to do various things to get ready for her arrival.  I would respectfully remind her that she did not have to ask me to do anything but could tell me exactly what she wanted me to do.  She doesn't have to say please or make it in the form of a request.  As her slave I am bound and committed to obeying her.  Additionally, I asked her to email or text me throughout the day (anytime really) any additional tasks she had for me to do.  She was very open to my encouragement for her to tell me what she expected me to do rather than ask me to do things.  I also found myself repeating back or restating what she wanted me to do in order to make sure I understood her and partly because I found the exercise caused intense feelings of submission on my part.  My encaged penis (I wear a CB3000) even tried to respond to her fledgling dominance.  I found it both erotic and sweet.  I can't wait to see her tonight!!!

Now on to something that happened earlier yesterday.  We were talking on the phone a couple times--both conversations turned out to be learning experiences for me.  The first time she called just as I was getting ready to sit down and eat my food court meal.  She told me she would call me back later so I went ahead and ate.  But during the meal I realized although she offered to let me go ahead and eat I should have given her priority over my lunch and talked to her instead.  I immediately emailed her and apologized for my behavior.  Later we were talking again on the phone and I was tired and a little stressed out and was a little short with her.  Again, I realized this after the conversation and emailed and apologized again.  We talked about it later that night over the phone.  She told me when I was getting short with her she thought to herself how quickly things can change.  She felt I was moving away from my previously expressed desire to submit to her but she did not say anything.  I apologized again and told her there was no excuse for my behavior and all this was a learning experience for me to as we continued deeper into this new marriage dynamic.  I encouraged her to call me on that kind of behavior in the further and anytime I express a bad attitude.  One way we talked about she could do this is by reminding me my penis will stay locked up as long as my attitude doesn't improve.  

Finally, we both discussed our realization that things will be a little out of sorts over the next few weeks as we live in temporary housing while we look for permanent housing and ultimately get settled.  But once we are settled into our new home things will really pick up speed so far as my being her slave and submitting to her authority.  I am curious and my readers are encouraged to respond--has anyone else who has been transitioning to a WLM experienced some of these same bumps in the road as you each learned your new roles?

Enforced Chastity

My wife and I have been having some very frank email exchanges about my desire to surrender to her leadership and become her slave in every way possible.  We have discussed this being more than just about sex.  We have also discussed how this new dynamic must be controlled by her with me giving really no input.  As I explained to her in our email exchange, this shouldn't be about me dictating what I want or how the relationship should progress.  I think my topping from the bottom is what has caused this to not work out in the past.  She agrees.  However, I did ask her for one thing that I feel will help me totally surrender and come under her control in a very real way.  It will also help me keep my focus on serving her whether it's in the bedroom or around the house or wherever such service might be demanded or required--and service to her is always required.  I have asked for and my wife has agreed to enforced chastity.  I will be kept in my CB3000 indefinitely.  I have been in it for 11 days as of this writing.  Later I will share about the intense desires for submission it produces.  But for now, I want to talk more about some of "the law" she laid down regarding chastity.  Sometimes she will want to have it out of its cage so she can play with it.  During those times the unspoken rule will be I am not allowed to orgasm.  She is pretty good at reading my body but I am to tell her if I am anywhere near exploding.  My period in chastity will be ongoing and I will not be allowed release for awhile.  In her words, "You asked for this!!"  Furthermore, I will not be allowed to ask for permission to orgasm or suggest how I might want to achieve orgasm.  Any release will be a gift from her.  In other words, release will not be a reward.  She readily admits she doesn't understand this whole chastity thing but she is willing to require it of me.  That is the only request I have been allowed to make.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  Another rule she has placed upon me is, once she tells me what and how she wants something done, I'll be expected to remember it and spontaneously do it in the future.   I keep reminding myself, "You asked for this!!"

Service Oriented Domination

I read a very interesting interview via Subservient Husband’s blog which I found very enlightening as I continue studying and learning as much as a can about how to worship and serve my wife.  The article was by Uniquely Rika and focused on service oriented domination.  The interview pointed out the mistake most husbands make in their desire to submit to their wife’s authority—it becomes about the wife’s service to her submissive husband (makes no sense but then again it makes a lot of sense).  What happens is the wife often ends up feeding some kink or fetish the husband has.  There is certainly nothing wrong with a kink or fetish but the real purpose behind wife worship should be—must be—service oriented submission.  In other words, I, as my wife’s slave, must be totally committed and surrendered to serving her—period.  It’s about her needs, wants, and desires.  Anything she does for or to me is a gift not a reward.  Service oriented domination—it’s the way to go when it comes to worshipping my wife!!! 

A New Approach

I’m taking a new approach to my desire to submit to my wife.  I think my past mistake has been too much of a focus on sexual submission from the standpoint of my own fetish with orgasm denial.  Although such focus was fun and the time I spent serving my wife was indescribable, it always lasted only a short time before the cares of this world took my focus elsewhere.  But the desire remained and is now being rekindled.  And I have plenty of uninterrupted time to think about it—I’m stuck on a boat for the next three days with no internet access, no phone access, no access to the outside world save for an emergency.  Thankfully, I downloaded an article from another wife worship blog—Worshipping Your Wife by Mark Redmond—perhaps the best blog of its genre out there today.  The article I reference is one he referenced from Au876—“A Short Course in Wife Worship.”

I could not have stumbled across this article at such a better time.  Before entering the world of no contact with the outside world I had emailed my wife of my desire to submit to enforced chastity once again and to serve her.  She definitely likes the “serve her” attitude although she has struggled with the enforced chastity—my wearing a CB3000—because of all the “what ifs”—what if I’m in an accident, etc.  I assured her I understood her concerns but we shouldn’t let “what ifs” rule our lives.  We only live once so lets enjoy it.  After all, life is full of risks.  So, long story short, I found the box with the CB3000 in it and I have secured myself.  Obviously, I still have access should I want or need it, but my goal is to remain confined until my wife joins me in a few days.

Now back to the article—“A Short Course in Wife Worship.”  This course was an eye-opener if for no other reason than slapping me in the face and bringing me back to the reality of why I would want to return to the world of enforced chastity—not for my benefit but for hers.  In other words, my attention should not be on my own desires to be kept chaste but on worshipping and serving my wife.  The author writes, “Most if not all women love to be pampered, adored, worshipped and listened to. Therefore if you want to taste the sweet fruit of submitting to your wife and having her in control, then pamper, adore, worship and listen to her.”  I could not agree more and I don’t know why it is I have missed this all along.  I’ve been married nearly two decades to my college sweetheart—I wish the internet and the Worshipping Your Wife Blog had been around when I was much younger.  But I suppose it’s never too late to start.  I realize it will take a lot of work and patience on my part but my goal is to start immediately learning how to worship my wife through pampering, adoring, worshipping, listening to, submitting to, and serving her.

With that in mind I have read and reread “A Short Course on Wife Worship.”  I have come to admit some things about myself.  For one thing, I don’t listen to my wife.  How can I expect to pamper and worship her if I don’t listen to her?  I can’t!!!  I’m realizing that this is going to take a lot of work and focus on my part but it can be done.  Maybe I need to experience some kind of behavior modification?  I don’t know.  But I am learning.  Additionally, I noted other things that happened recently that indicated I have a long way to go and a lot of work ahead of me.  (1) Not listening – as previously mentioned, (2) using a word my wife doesn’t ever want me to use, (3) becoming short with her while talking to her on the phone, (4) not remembering things she says and then wondering why I can’t come up with a gift for important occasions, get a purchase right, and things like that.